Fellowship Memphis

I was not taught to pray. It was not modeled for me by either parent. In fact, the only real experience I had with prayer was with my great grandmother as a small child. I stayed with her during the day while my mom was at work. Grandma Lau would always kneel by the bed before putting me down for a nap and we would pray together.

One of the first things that I became aware of as my wife and I decided to join Fellowship was that I was sorely lacking in many areas as far as just knowing how, when, and why we do some of the things we do as Christ followers. Prayer was no exception. The more I was around people who were strong in the Word and could pray without  reserve, the more I realized I was lost as far as this went.

Kirk Whalum, our growth group leader, showed me the importance of kneeling and humbling myself before God. Slowly, as I did this more and focused on it, I began to feel different. As someone who suffers from a sleep disorder, I began to dread less and less, that time of night when I wake up restless and empty. Instead I found myself looking forward to the silence of the house to spend time with God.

Amazingly, I came to understand what it means to be led by the Lord. I had heard people say things like, “I just don’t think the Lord is leading me in that direction.” My usual response was, “Right. So you are saying that you don’t want to do something, so you are playing your God card.” I never even fathomed this actually happened.

I was praying about several big decisions with great focus. One of them was whether to go through Downline. I am a PhD student and was teaching two sections of freshmen composition at U of M. I knew I couldn’t handle the time and energy required for Downline if I were teaching. So, I applied for a fellowship with no teaching responsibilities. I talked about it with Quentin in my interview and figured if God wanted me there, he would provide a way.

I did not get the fellowship. What I did get from a great deal of prayer over it was a peace. It wasn’t even a voice in your head like you would imagine. It was just a peace about the situation. It was a constant feeling that I did need to do this and I should just be faithful and God would make me able to handle it. So I told Quentin to count me in. I didn’t know how, but I would make it work.

Two weeks before school started, I got a call from a friend in the English Department who was taking a job at another University while she finished her dissertation. She asked if I would be interested in the newly created GA position that she was passing up. I did not have to teach this semester, but God still has me impacting students.

It is one thing to see what God has done to guide you and bless you in hindsight, but to see it in the present as it is happening leaves you humbled and in awe. I have no idea what he has in store for me, but I am determined to let him do the driving and just enjoy the ride.