Fellowship Memphis

My name means, “God is good.” And, it’s true. But, for me, like so many others, it is a truth I thought I believed until the going got rough. I grew up in a Christian home, put my trust in Jesus at an early age, and considered myself a faithful follower of His. I took what was for me a huge risk, put aside my parents’ career plans, and interned for a campus ministry after graduating college in St. Louis. But, the summer before this volunteer-internship, I had surgery for a foot problem. Surgery, however, only made things worse, and what had begun as an annoying ankle sprain became an exquisitely painful chronic condition. It hurt every day for years with no end in sight, and no one could cure me – not the physical therapists, internists, surgeons, or faith healers. I tried to continue on, using stools when singing in choir concerts and motorized carts at the grocery store because I could not tolerate prolonged standing. I went through my internship limping in an ugly, ill-fitted post-operative boot, meeting with college students and nannying part-time to support myself. The students were dear and discipling them was a joy, but the year was hard and included many wounds in ministry.

I kept going to church and doing ministry, but I was struggling deeply. I kept going because I didn’t know what else to do. I knew that God is our only hope, but God had broken my heart, and I doubted His goodness. The intern year ended and I went home, dejected, hurting, and unemployed. In my fall, God reached down and caught me. I oscillated between crying to Him and railing at Him; He patiently held me. He used many things to humble and heal my proud heart including His word. God gave me grace to endure what I thought I could not. He even gave freedom to return to St. Louis for a physical therapy (PT) degree. If He had stopped there, it would have been enough and more than I had hoped. But, He didn’t stop! By my final year of PT school, the foot pain was inexplicably diminishing. I didn’t think my feet would know pain-free days again, but today that’s the norm. I am most appreciative during times of worship. Then, I close my eyes and remember what was – awkwardness when sitting on my choir stool, hesitation when a worship leader would begin with “let’s all stand,” and regret when considering what I could have done while I had the chance. Now, I think, what joy to offer Him ourselves for however long we can. And, I can’t keep silent: God is good!