Fellowship Memphis

A little over six months ago, God began a change in my life. While he spent months preparing me for it, I was still shocked when I was called into that office and told it would be my last day at a job where I had spent the previous 12 years. Even in the midst of the emotion of saying my goodbyes to co-workers and friends, I wanted desperately to trust God in what was happening and to understand that he was somehow ultimately going to work this together for my good.

It’s easy to trust God when the next step in his plan for you is in the direction you were expecting. It’s easy to trust that he will provide when you hold a job that is the means of his provision. It’s easy to step forward when you see the next stone ahead of you along the path. But can I really trust him enough to take that step when I don’t see any solid ground in front of me?

I wanted to trust him. I felt like I knew all the right answers to the hypothetical questions about what trust in God looks like in the midst of the challenges life can throw your way. But it’s a little harder to actually live those ‘right answers’. I wanted to believe that he would provide for me and my family even if I didn’t know what was next.

So, I threw myself into finding my next paying gig. Week after week, month after month, I spent every day searching for a job, the next stone along my path. After a while of doing this with few positive results to show for it, I began to feel incredibly discouraged. I thought, “God, if this is your plan for me, why is nothing happening?” Each time I called out to him from desperation, though, God responded... not with a job, but with compassionate encouragement. I sensed that while he still had work to do in me through this experience, it hurt him to see his child in such despair. Time after time, as he continued to encourage me through the lowest times of my job search, I grew more and more assured of his love and compassion for me and what I was going through. And I began to realize what trust in him feels like.

Recently, I had two promising opportunities apparently developing: one was in a fairly familiar place and reasonably close to family and friends, and another was a world away in both respects. I felt certain that God was going to bring about the first option for us, a reward of sorts for my patience and persistence. As it turns out, my plan was again not his plan. Apparently I have more to learn about trusting him. And as uncomfortable as it makes me to not see the stone ahead of me, I’m going to take that step because I know that he loves me and he’s proven time and time again to be worthy of my trust.